Modern Dating Satire T-Shirt | Relationship Comedy Apparel

Whoever said "love is a battlefield" clearly never tried Tinder after three vodka sodas. Our "Modern Dating" tee transforms Cupid from cherubic matchmaker to tactical operator, armed with something considerably more destructive than heart-shaped arrows. This black cotton canvas explores the militarized zone of contemporary romance where ghosting is a stealth maneuver and reading receipts are enemy reconnaissance.

 The vintage video game aesthetic perfectly captures that feeling of playing a game where the rules keep changing, the boss levels are increasingly ridiculous, and someone keeps unplugging your controller right when you think you've got a chance. With "FUELS ANIMOSITY & CONFUSES THE PATH" emblazoned above our laughing love mercenary, this shirt acknowledges that modern dating isn't just complicated—it's absurdly, hilariously weaponized.

TECHNICAL DETAILS

• Premium 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk to maintain shape through countless awkward morning-afters
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping prevents stretching, unlike your dating standards
• Side-seamed construction for that perfect drape over your emotional baggage
• Double-needle stitched sleeves and bottom hem for durability (lasts longer than most relationships)
• Classic relaxed unisex fit, flattering for all body types—unlike dating profile photos
• Ribbed knit collar with seamless double-needle construction
• Available in sizes S-2XL
• Color perfect for hiding wine stains from solo Netflix binges
• High-density screen printing that won't fade (unlike their interest after three dates)

BACKSTORY

This design emerged from our team's collective dating app PTSD during what we now refer to as "The Great Unmatching of 2023." After one designer's date spent three hours talking about cryptocurrency only to "split" a check he'd already Venmoed her for, we began compiling our modern dating horror stories. What began as therapy quickly evolved into this satirical masterpiece. The cherubic warrior represents the transformation of romance from something sweet and magical into something tactical and absurd. The vintage gaming aesthetic recalls a time when things seemed simpler, making the perfect visual irony for the complexity of contemporary connection. The laughing expression captures that moment when you realize the whole situation is so ridiculous that laughter is the only sane response. "Destined to be absurd" isn't just a tagline—it's a prophecy fulfilled with every "u up?" text received at 2:43 AM.

PERFECT FOR

• Dating app veterans who've seen enough fish in the sea to start a sushi restaurant
• Anyone who's ever created a spreadsheet to track their dates (you know who you are)
• People whose "type" has evolved from "attractive and funny" to "responds within 24 hours"
• Friends who need a birthday gift that says "I support your therapy bills"
• The perpetually single who have mastered the art of laughing instead of crying
• Recently divorced individuals rediscovering the horror of modern courtship
• That one friend who keeps dating the same person with different names
• Anyone who's ever been "breadcrumbed," "cushioned," or "zombied" in the dating wilderness
• People who understand that "let's get coffee sometime" is both everything and nothing
• Those who find dark humor in navigating the minefield of modern relationships

• 100% cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester
• Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester
• Heather colors are 50% cotton, 50% polyester
• Fabric weight: 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170-180 g/m²)
• Open-end yarn
• Tubular fabric
• Taped neck and shoulders
• Double seam at sleeves and bottom hem
• Blank product sourced from Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico

Disclaimers: 
• Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.
• Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural.

• Traceability:
- Knitting—Honduras, the Dominican Republic
- Dyeing—Honduras, the Dominican Republic
- Manufacturing—Nicaragua, Honduras, Haiti, El Salvador, or the Dominican Republic
• Contains 0% recycled polyester
• Contains 0% dangerous substances

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide