Description

Declare your utterly sincere and completely unironic disdain for criminal enterprises with our "I Hate All Illegal Criminal Activity" t-shirt – featuring a prohibition-era gentleman who is definitely, absolutely not toasting to his successful rum-running operation. This delightfully contradictory design showcases a vintage character with a mischievous grin that suggests his words and actions may be experiencing some philosophical differences of opinion. The round badge format with its orange border gives it the appearance of an official seal or badge – though certainly not one from any legitimate law enforcement agency from the 1920s.

Set against a sophisticated black background (perfect for hiding evidence... of coffee spills), this shirt celebrates that unique historical moment when declaring something illegal simply created a new industry of entrepreneurs with flexible interpretations of municipal codes. Whether you're a history enthusiast, cocktail connoisseur, or simply appreciate the fine art of saying one thing while clearly meaning another, this shirt offers a wink and a nod to the time-honored tradition of publicly denouncing exactly what you're privately enjoying.

Technical Details

• Premium cotton shirt in criminal-concealing black
• Screen printed design featuring a gentleman who's definitely not involved in anything suspicious
• Pre-shrunk fabric (unlike prohibition agents' effectiveness at actually stopping alcohol consumption)
• Available in unisex sizes S through 3XL
• Machine washable (cold wash, inside out) – all evidence easily removed
• Tumble dry low
• Designed with historically accurate inspiration from the era when speakeasies spoke volumes
• Contains no actual illegal substances (the shirt itself is perfectly legitimate)
• Features subtle skull details that are visible only to those paying close attention – just like the best speakeasies

Backstory

This design emerged during our creative team's deep dive into prohibition-era aesthetics and the fascinating contradictions of a time when public morality and private behavior often stood in direct opposition. The character's expression – simultaneously declaring innocence while clearly toasting to the opposite – captured the delightful hypocrisy of an era when some of America's most upstanding citizens were secretly funding bootlegging operations. The orange border draws inspiration from vintage vice warning posters, while the deep blue background represents the evening hours when most "criminal activity" would have taken place.

The subtle skull elements add a touch of danger to remind viewers that despite our nostalgic view of prohibition, it was a time of genuine criminal enterprise and conflict. Initially conceived as a simple historical parody, we realized the design spoke to the timeless human tendency to publicly denounce precisely what we privately enjoy – a contradiction as relevant today as it was in the 1920s. The refined cocktail glass suggests that not all "criminal activity" was created equal – some came with garnishes and proper glassware.

Perfect For

• History enthusiasts with a particular fascination for America's noble experiment with prohibition
• Cocktail connoisseurs who appreciate the speakeasy traditions that shaped modern bar culture
• Fans of gangster films who understand the important difference between "illegal" and "immoral"
• Bartenders with an appreciation for the era that gave us some of our most enduring cocktail recipes
• Individuals who enjoy the fine art of ironic declarations with plausible deniability
• Party hosts looking to set a tone of sophisticated mischief
• Anyone who thinks rules are more like guidelines anyway
• People who understand that the best traditions sometimes began as rebellious acts
• Gift-givers shopping for that friend with the suspiciously well-stocked home bar
• Those who appreciate the subtle craft of saying one thing while clearly meaning another

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US

• Traceability:
- Weaving—India, South Korea
- Dyeing—El Salvador, California
- Manufacturing—Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
• Contains 0% recycled polyester
• Contains 0% dangerous substances

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide